"The only way to make sense out of change is to plunge into it, move with it, and join the dance."
My blog is about whatever is in my head, but mainly fashion, makeup, fitness, movies and television.
New mile time!!! 9:45!!! I never thought that I could go from 21:20 to 9:45 in just 3 weeks. I’m to the point where I LOVE running and that it’s enjoyable for me. I feel so accomplished!
I’m back on the healthy track. I’ve been using the “My Fitness Pal” app and it’s really been helping me. I’m able to track my calorie intake and how much I burn. Not only that but I can track my sugar, protein, vitamin a, b, and c, and everything else. It really helps me get a realistic view on my health. I also use the Nike+ app when I run. It tells me the distance, pace, time, and calories burned and I can still jam to my music. I love it. I’m in a really amazing place right now. Soon I’ll be healthier than I’ve ever been :)
I’m at the point in my recovery process where learning to lose weight the healthy way is extremely important. I dont know how successful I’m being. I get really upset when I can’t run and I’m redeveloping the fear of weight gain. I’ve lost 20 pounds and I’m terrified to gain it back. Maybe I’m just being too hard on myself. I’m just really scared that anorexia is slowly creeping back up on me. I have faith in myself. I think I can make it through. Prayers would be appreciated, support is an amazing help :) I can do this
Turns out that the orphanage could be a cause of my mental issues. The first 2 years of your life are really important development wise and I basically just sat and hung out. Good. Thanks orphanage number 9
It’s scary to look back at how thin I used to be. This wasn’t even me at my thinnest. I got down to 129 pounds and I’m 5’8. That’s way thin for my height. Knowing that this picture was taken two short years ago blows my mind. I was so set on having the perfect body back then. I lost sight of everything truly important. It’s scary to see me at that weight. Horrifying. This was me at 150, so you can imagine how little I was 21 pounds lighter. I wasn’t ever happy. When it was time for me to recover, the first time around, I couldnt quite grasp the concept of being healthy. In my mind I was being healthy. I wasn’t. When I had my second shot at getting better, I began to understand that what I was doing was terrible, but I still wanted to do it more than anything, because after a lot of weight gain in college I just wanted to be thin again. I’m now on round three. The time period between two and three was pretty short, about 2 months. I gained everything I lost in that time. Unfortunate. But I can lose weight the healthy way, because in the end that is what will make me happy.
Walked the treadmill at a speed of 4.0 at an incline of 10 for 30 minutes. I really thought I was going to die. As happy as I am that I’m getting healthy, I hate that I still go on the scale 5 times a day. It makes doing this the healthy way much harder. But I’ve never been more determined! I’ve burned 800 calories today. Pretty damn good. I eventually want to burn 1000 a day. I’m so close!
I’ve lost 11 pounds since I’ve been home from school! It’s been a little over a week. I’m happy! I’m finally doing this right! I’m finally going to get skinny in a healthy way. I can do this. I am strong.
I’ve recently been looking back at my life, thinking about everything I’ve gone through. While its rather unfortunate that all those things did happen to me, I’m glad they did. I wouldn’t be who I am today without those very difficult struggles. I still have so much more to learn about myself, but what I’ve learned already is so valuable. The thing that has affected me the most is my struggles with an eating disorder. That alone has forced me to work hard to achieve normal. It has forced me to have determination. I was alone during that period of time and still managed somehow to recover on my own. I’m not saying that I don’t need people at all, I just think that it says a lot about my character. If I have to do something alone that needs to be done, I will. This holds true in everything I do. I’m not really an emotional person, but through my journey I’ve realized that showing emotion is okay, it’s what makes us human. I’ve already learned so much in these short 19 years and I cannot wait for what is ahead for me. I hope I can continue to learn and grow as a person until the day I die and if that means having to struggle every day of my life, then I wil.
I’ve worked out for 3.5 hours today… which isn’t good. And I haven’t really eaten enough to outweigh it, since according to the my fitness pal app my net calories is 0. But I don’t want to eat any more than I already have. Its times like these where I have to be really careful. This is the type of stuff that could cause me to slip back into the disorder. I have to be strong. But hey, 8 pounds and going strong :)